Apologies to some of you.
At Thanksgiving time I went dark on email and editing customs 100%. I went too hard for too long, had a thyroid/ hashimotos crash because of a big mistake on my end and outside circumstances. Some personal things came up and I checked out. I absolutely could not multitask at that time, not even a little.
However, please keep in mind that I’ve been doing this since 2006 and as many of you know I check out but I don’t check out forever. Per the usual I am back. I am just so far behind on the emails and custom edits that I can not even see straight.
I know many of you feel ghosted and I totally understand. My apologies. It is absolutely nothing personal. When I don’t even log in to email at all I’m clearly not going to be responding to anyone since I’m not reading anything.
I’m struggling to find words for the normies (normal people) who are constantly refreshing their email and can’t comprehend for one second that someone shuts down and is not online for days, weeks or even more…but it is a real thing and I am that person- Please don’t project onto me.
We deal with things so differently due to our own personal circumstances and trauma- though I am still of the belief that we are all one.
I’m brainstorming ideas as to how to be more effective in 2026 and how to be comfortable farming out some of the work load. At this point I am so overwhelmed. I’m letting people down by taking on so much for so little and making too many promises that are impossible to keep. I’m trying to be a people pleaser because of demons from my past, however I’m not pleasing anyone- most importantly myself. I’m not out and about vacationing. I wish I could say that being checked out of emails and custom edits meant that I was having the time of my life, but that is most certainly not the case. I’m letting clients and potential clients down, letting myself down and even hurting loved ones by being absent.
I’m so fucking grateful each and every day for every soul who has joined the site, purchased a clip, bought a custom, sent a gift, sessioned or attempted to session (lofl), sent a kind word or even wished me well quietly from afar. You have absolutely no idea…I never aspired to act or model or get into anything adult oriented until it actually happened! I most certainly was not the norm. I publicly battled so much inflammation and chronic illness in front of the world and always looked like a different human year to year based on my struggles at the time. Wowie wow plenty of other producers and models let me know that in sooo many ways ( like I wasn’t living in my own body and didn’t know). Despite the nay-sayers clip sales and then website memberships flourished.
Thank you.
I had an incredible vanilla career before this, but the shit hit the fan and then my health really hit the fan. It is absolutely mind boggling in an incredible way that I would not have been able to maintain a career that expected certain hours to be maintained but I somehow managed to make running a fetish website work despite not being a traditional looking hottie or having experience acting.
Hooray for the under dogs in life and many thanks to those of you who have been cheering for me over the years.
Aside from some setbacks I’m thrilled to know that 47 year old me has less health obstacles than 37 year old me and even 27 year old me. I even believe the weight roller coaster has come to an end since I’ve been maintaining comfortably for a year and a half thanks to the carnivore diet – which I hate doing because who wants meat all of the time (not me!!!!!!) but my autoimmune ridden body and brain thrives on it. It is the answer I’ve been seeking my entire adult life and better late than never.
I won’t be disappearing for good any time soon. I am loving shooting. I invested in two new cameras and several lenses and new lights and I have some fun ideas in mind for movies… I’m even happy to bottom hard again. Things just don’t hurt like they did and recovery times is fast!! Amazing! However if you want to deal with me you need to have patience- If you don’t have patience please just move on to one of the other dozens of worthy bondage ladies out there who are great at promptly emailing you back or at least wise enough to hire someone to respond in a timely manner or having their spouse do it as them 😉
So as of now I’m dealing with the most time sensitive issues in my emails and uploading 3 clips to post live to the site.
I am shooting A LOT this coming week and dealing with other things…
Peace, love, good health, patience and fun in kink to you all-
JJ, the plush1