Hi to those of you really wondering where I’ve been outside of the website-

I’ve been absent from emails and most of social media for months and months and I’ve made promises I didn’t keep here by saying I’d be in/ on them. I truly haven’t read emails in ages and I haven’t done customs (aside from ones Adara brought me) and I haven’t seen anyone for Domme sessions.  On occasion I post to instagram under Plush1 but I don’t even have the other social media sites on my new phone at this time or even my email accounts. I have been away from it all truly just working on me. *Of course Tony gets the emails sent to support.

Some of you know I had been sickly for a long time… Things got really, really bad last summer when I’d lost most of my hair, eyebrows, was hardly eating but swollen as hell, deathly pale despite going outside, covered in bruises without any beatings, open sores that left me scarred for life, horrible depression and anxiety, 25 day periods, carpal tunnel and more that I’ll leave to your imagination. I couldn’t sleep but I couldn’t do anything while I was awake either. I was falling asleep around 10am, sometimes I wouldn’t sleep for 24 hour periods despite my exhaustion. I was a shell of my former self and on my death bed with a low body core temp of 95.5 after years of way too much physical, emotional and environmental stress paired with poor nutrition and little rest basically. The discovery of the low temperature answered all of the questions about my lousy health and mental status over the last few years and pointed me in the right direction after thinking I was just doomed.

Healing has been a slow go with lots of trial and error and a few crashes after feeling confident about leading a normal life which I’ve mentioned before. I have a great doctor who is treating my whole body and not just each separate failing part of me.  I just got bloodwork back the 4th (my wedding anniversary) which of course says my thyroid is at a standstill and I’m very anemic but my cholesterol and blood sugar and those things are in good shape. I’ve been eating super clean- all organic, no American brominated gluten products, no added sugars or fake sugars, no water with flouride, no GMOs and blah, blah, blah. After the 4th new things have been added to my already ridiculous daily routine of supplements- a prescription natural thyroid pill, a lot more lugals iodine, a drinkable iron supplement from Germany, and daily B12 shots. Despite enjoying what botox injected into my 11s do for my exhausted 38 year old face I’m not into needles so giving myself daily shots is not enjoyable, but hopefully that will only last a month and give me lots of energy and help the anemia. My doctor seems to think that in two months after this adjustment period I’ll feel better than I have in the last 9 years and I should naturally drop some lbs. I waited too long to get bloodwork done, its true but I was in very bad shape emotionally and physically and I was afraid to get horrible news. I wanted to wait until I had changed my lifestyle and reached a healing plateau so that is what I did. I went for the bloodwork when my health started declining yet again but I was confident that I was much, much better than last summer/ fall.

I did go to Florida for a week and I stayed with my boy bestie Eric Cain in the woods for a few days and allowed myself a couple of days at the beach. He had a custom for me that we didn’t finish before he left Detroit for Florida for the winter. I had told him I’d come visit this winter and the buyer was ok with us shooting it months later Eric said. The custom money waiting really prodded me to get the heck out of the cold. Eric told me I seemed more full of life than I had in years and years and he knows me. He was the first to ever tie me up in 2006 and we talk almost daily even when I don’t talk to others for months and months. I did the custom which was mostly bondage and not his typical beatings and when we were done I suggested we add a second part outdoors. HA! I blew him and myself away with that one. He will edit it and whenever he gets around to that he will post it on his clips4sale site and I’ll post it here.

I was reluctant to set up shoots with hotties I didn’t know or people that would only want to see me to make money off of me because I didn’t know how I’d be feeling or what I’d be able to do and I am in no position to pay kill fees or stress myself out. My temp had dropped down dangerously low again and my body was betraying me at that time and I was going to Florida mostly to warm back up.  I did get some shoots in with people I’m friendly with and I was feeling very good there, in fact I shot at least one clip every day I was there aside from the last day. The warmth is an obvious bonus for people that run cold like me but shooting while I was away from here proved to be much easier, back here my mind races with the unfinished bullshit in this foreclosed on water house we had to buy and the problems at the bank (studio) and things to do with my other business etc, etc. So the Florida trip proved to be good for me in a lot of ways. I even got to socialize with people I assumed had forgotten me since I had been out of the loop for so long.

So anyway I’m back in Detroit trying to do the right things and happy about spring time. I’m alive and kicking and more clear headed than I have been in a very long time. I hope to rejoin social media and email world, do customs of my own and sessions some time in the near future but I’m moving at a snails pace so that I can keep moving forward, going backwards is too challenging emotionally.

As always thanks for your site memberships, clip purchases and well wishes… and to those of you that post my clips all over the place without permission shame on you. I hope karma bites you in the ass.


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